When All is Lost
by galleons
Summary: Ser Gendry of the Hollow Hill greatly mourns the loss of a friend.


**When All is Lost – Chapter 1**

**Note: **_Just for fun while waiting for season 3 and the next book…_

There was a lot of noise; crying, coughing, runny noses being wiped, childish laughter, the clacking of wooden bowls, amongst the calling out of empty threats like, "…now sit down and finish, or I will give your share to someone else."

He did not need to help. Those two had it all down to a routine. The older four ate first. When they were done the room was somewhat rearranged. The four assisted the younger ones, those too young to feed themselves, Willow and Jeyne supervised the ones who could, and the ones who might cause a spot of trouble. But no one ever threw anything. They all knew enough that what they had was always hard to come by, especially with food even harder to get through down the war-torn Kingsroad.

They were so occupied nobody saw him slip out to the old shack in the rear of the inn. Nobody would come to him either. They knew where he was. He would come in later after the rest had eaten. He usually took what was left after they were done. Willow sometimes set aside a bowl for him with some of the leftovers. He liked knowing they had all eaten and then he could sit down in quiet after the little ones went down for a nap.

Jeyne and Willow ran a tight ship. There had to be about 30 orphans or so there. He wasn't much of a carpenter but he had had to help reinforce wooden chairs with broken spindles, assist with makeshift cribs from old pieces of furniture that served other purposes, and even little toys for the babies. They learned in time it was better to preoccupy them.

Jeyne could be bossy and even a little tough, but he paid it no mind. Even Willow could be a bit so at times. They had a lot on their shoulders for girls so young. But for Willow who was nearly 12, she was only beginning to realize that life was not fair. For Jeyne, he liked her, but she might not have understood that she might like him a bit more than he did her. He couldn't help it. Not that he hadn't tried or thought about it before. It had been the same with the pretty Bella. He tried to think that way. Pretty girls, the silliness of youth, desire, but he just couldn't. He didn't know if it was them or him. He thought it might be him. His days were so full of work, his nights of worry, and always the burden of responsibility, to the orphans and the Brotherhood.

He took the flint and pushed away from himself with the stick of wood in his hand. Flame arose and he set the wood into the pile of wood that rested in a stone fireplace in his makeshift forge. He always checked that his tools were in place before he began to work. Hammer, anvil, tongs, and the rest. He saw the pile in a corner. Things the Brotherhood had left for him to fix until they returned. Mail with links that needed repairing, dinted helms, and the like.

He worked for hours. The forge heated up. He was so busy he forgot that he hadn't seen her today. He grabbed a helm, turned it upside down and began to hammer out the dents from the inside, as he had the others.

Lady Catelyn Stark. Lady Stoneheart. Arya's mum. He couldn't believe it. How cruel fate was. Arya had been with him meeting up with the Brotherhood who they had once tried to flee, Arya was taken by the Hound, and now here he was with the Brotherhood Without Banners now led by her mother. _If she had only waited….had not been stupid and ran out into the rain and into the Hound._ She would have met her mother. Maybe not the mother she had recognized, but still her mother.

Gendry felt sorry for her. She would show no emotion. She never flinched when a Frey was hanged. She stood to the very end watching their gasping breaths, hard-eyed in her resolve that they would pay, that they had no sympathy for her son or her. But during the day was another matter.

It was sad. When she first got there she had made sure her hood was low over her face and went to watch the orphans eat or play outside. She went to Jeyne and Willow and motioned to the area where the smaller babes slept. They were barely toddlers and it looked like she was trying to tell them that maybe she could help care for the younger ones. It worked for a time. There was one, the youngest, a newborn found abandoned that she would hold in her arms for hours and rock to sleep. It had died within a few weeks. It had always had difficulty breathing. Thoros believed that it probably wasn't meant to grow old, lung problems or something. Stoneheart didn't venture back to the little ones.

She sometimes watched the older children at play but never came close, never approached them. She had once moved closer to watch and a few of them nearby had gotten a look at her face and were scared. One had started crying. She kept to herself after that. She kept her distance, really, unless to give orders to the Brotherhood or to appear at an execution.

He was tired of it. Death and more death…worrying about food, safety, the responsibility of the children. But they couldn't take care of themselves, and they wouldn't abandon them. They would just have to survive somehow, or at least keep trying to survive somewhat.

Some still spoke of life getting better, of a life after the war. Gendry had stopped doing that a long time ago. It was too much to reach for, and he had had enough disappointment from hoping too hard.

Somebody must have told her. He never was sure exactly who, that he had befriended Arya, that they had looked out for each other. Or maybe they got it wrong in the telling. Arya had saved him and Hot Pie. She made him feel better and she had looked out for him. But Stoneheard always nodded when she saw him, and had once laid a feeble hand on his shoulder. She had scared the shit out of him near the forge once because he hadn't even heard her walk in with her usual quiet steps. Thoros had told him that she liked him and that she would never forget how he had looked out for her daughter Arya. She could tell because he was good to the orphans. Gendry smiled nervously. It certainly was better than being on Stoneheart's bad side.

The Brotherhood and Stoneheart and Brienne were still looking for her and even for her sister. They sometimes sat around and talked about leads or news they learned when some of the men returned to report. Arya was brought up and once he got the courage to say within Stoneheart's hearing the way it truly was. They brought up again how Gendry had been with Arya before Harrenhal even when they were on the way to the Night's Watch and Arya secretly to Winterfell. Gendry cleared his throat and spoke up, though he wasn't quite used to Stoneheart then and was sort of fearful of maybe saying the wrong thing in her presence.

"Arya was tougher than me. Nobody had to protect her. She could take care of herself. She helped us…"It just rambled out.

Stoneheart looked at him. He saw the eyes blink. The mouth twitched and he heard a noise. It was an odd gravelly sound. He later asked Thoros what it was. He said she agreed with you and he believed it was Stoneheart's way of acknowledging it with a laugh from remembering.

She had nothing to do during the day but walk. She took long walks perhaps thinking of her family, always looking lost in thought. She almost always passed the forge and detoured trying to avoid the children. But today she didn't.

Gendry finished up. He wanted a bit of water and perhaps some food. He went around and noticed that Brienne's horse was out of the stable. Odd. _Stoneheart? Brienne's horse? She never went riding anymore…_

He made his way to the kitchens. Something was amiss. Willow and especially Jeyne were quiet. The rooms nearby were not. The children were playing a game, some were running around, he grabbed some food and drink from the kitchens and sat down at a table to watch the them.

Two were chasing each other and one almost slammed into him but he held out a hand and gently moved him to the side. It quieted down a bit when they saw him. The children smiled and called out to him. He gave them a smile and sat down.

He heard talking in the kitchen.

"This is the fifth time in months. Can she bear it? What if they are wrong?"

"I am more worried about her being patient with Brienne. What she is wrong again this time?"

"She won't be upset. She knows she is trying. Hard for a girl to stand out, from what I hear…pretty normal looking. Brown hair, light eyes…there are a ton of people coming in and out of the docks now to get away from the fighting elsewhere. Many look like that."

Gendry had a strange feeling come over him. But it soon passed. He had given up hope long ago. For all he knew she was most likely dead. Otherwise, someone would have heard, either ransom, marriage, her death by an enemy of Stark being paraded around to nose it at their banners that another Stark child was gone.

_But nothing for the longest… _He only hoped if she was alive she was fine, and that the Hound, really, that animal hadn't hurt her.

_She hadn't deserved it. She was so brave and true….so loyal and full of life…so funny without meaning to be. And the temper she had on her…_ She was a good friend to him and he missed her every day since she was taken from them.

_If only she hadn't been taken by the Hound…_It twisted him in the gut and made him feel sick. He wished the Brotherhood had just given him in his damned coin and let him be on with it.

He went into a kind of shock when it happened and moped for days. It wasn't the same without her. He felt tremendous guilt. Why wasn't he fast enough? Why hadn't he followed her like he usually did? Why did he lose his temper sometimes with her? Why did he poke fun at her dress? Why had he held out hope for so long like a fool when the Brotherhood went out for months looking for her but turned up nothing each time?

It was probably why he was such an arse to Brienne when she told them who she was looking for. He realized later that it was not her. He just didn't want to hear it, nor to hope again. It was too painful to think about Arya Stark.

He finished his food and put his plate and cup in the kitchens. He noted some of the older orphans whose turn it was to wash them. He cleared a table and put out an old but clean rag and took them from them wet to put out to dry on a spot on the cloth.

And then he heard the Heddles.

"Jeyne…you go in. Tell them to leave the dishes be and occupy the little ones. They can't go out now. They can keep playing where they are. I need to go outside…"

"No. I want to have a look too."

"No, later…you stay here. If it is…you can have plenty of looks."

"What's the matter," Gendry asked suspiciously.

"Gendry. Come out with me. I think they have returned. And they have somebody. If they hang them…" Jeyne turned away from the window she had been gazing out of.

"You know they wouldn't do that here in front of the children. They have never done that. They go off in the woods away from the inn."

She motioned with her hand for him to follow. He brushed back a loose piece of hair from his eyes and followed her out the door to the front of the inn.

He saw several things at once. They got closer. The Brotherhood was grinning and cheering. Stoneheart sat up straighter than ever before and held a proud seat on her horse. Brienne was glowing and then, oddly enough, Lady Stoneheart reached out and squeezed another rider to her side. He wasn't sure, but he believed it was some sort of a hug. This one looked weary, but happy. Maybe even a little startled. This one was smaller than the rest, but her determined chin and excellent seat on a horse…

"The Seven take me right here and then…."he thought as his stomach lurched. "It couldn't….was it…was it her? Had they finally found her?"


End file.
